Your Ultimate Guide to Considering Adoption: Step-by-Step Instructions
Adoption can be a beautiful way to build your family. But let’s face it—figuring out how to start, what to do, and how much it will cost can feel overwhelming. Don’t worry! We’re breaking the process into 10 clear steps and giving you actionable advice along the way.
Whether you’re considering adoption or wondering how the process works, this guide will help you make an informed decision.
Step 1: Learn what adoption is and the different types of adoption
What is adoption?
Adoption is the legal process through which an individual or couple becomes the permanent parent(s) of a child who is not biologically their own. It creates a legally recognized parent-child relationship, granting the adoptive parents the same rights and responsibilities as biological parents. Adoption can occur for various reasons, including the child's need for a family and the adoptive family's desire to grow through non-biological means.
Adoption requires a separation of some kind either through relinquishment or through a parent’s loss of parental rights.
Now there are several types of adoption you could pursue. Here are the most common types of adoption:
Domestic Adoption
Agency Adoption: Facilitated by a licensed adoption agency. Agencies work to match prospective adoptive parents with children.
Independent Adoption: Arranged privately between birth parents and adoptive parents, often with the help of an attorney or facilitator.
International Adoption
Involves adopting a child from another country. The process is regulated by international laws, the laws of the child’s home country, and the adoptive family’s country.
Foster Care Adoption
Adoption of children currently in the foster care system. These children may have been removed from their biological families due to abuse, neglect, or other challenges.
Relative or Kinship Adoption
A family member adopts a child, often in situations where the biological parents are unable to care for them.
Be thoughtful in considering what type of adoption is right for you and your family.
Step 2: Assess Whether You Are Adoption Ready
Assessing adoption readiness involves introspection and preparation in several areas, including emotional, financial, and practical aspects. Here are some steps to consider:
Emotional Readiness
Grief and Loss: Have you processed any grief related to infertility or other reasons for pursuing adoption? Adoption shouldn't be a way to "fix" grief but a decision made with a full heart.
Expectations: Are you prepared for the unique challenges of parenting an adopted child, including potential trauma or attachment issues?
Commitment: Adoption is lifelong. Are you ready to make a permanent commitment to a child, regardless of their background or needs?
Family and Support System
Family Dynamics: How will your family adapt to welcoming a new member? Have you discussed this with your partner and other children?
Support Network: Do you have a strong network of family and friends who can provide emotional and practical support during the adoption process and beyond?
Cultural Preparedness: For transracial adoption, are you ready to engage with and embrace your child’s cultural heritage and identity?
Financial Preparedness
Costs: Have you researched the financial aspects of adoption, including agency fees, travel (for international adoption), and legal fees?
Fees for adoption professionals (agencies, law centers, facilitators)
Birth mother-related costs (like medical bills or living expenses)
Marketing efforts to connect with birth parents
Home study and legal fees
Some families spend as little as $2,000 through foster care adoption, while private and international adoptions can range from $20,000 to $50,000. Make a budget and stick to it.
Stability: Are you financially stable and able to provide for a child’s needs, including potential therapy, healthcare, or special education?
Education and Awareness
Cultural Competency: For transracial adoption, have you taken steps to educate yourself on the racial and cultural identity your child will bring into your family?.
Challenges: Are you aware of and prepared to navigate issues like attachment difficulties, racial identity, or questions about the child’s birth family?.
Step 3: Choose an Adoption Professional
Your adoption professional is your guide, so pick wisely! Look for someone who offers the services you need and is known as an ethical adoption professional.
You can use tools like the Adopt Match directory to find ethical adoption professionals in your area: https://www.adoptmatch.com/am-partner-directory
We partner with adoption agencies all around the country who run ethical adoption agencies and utilize Identity to bring extra support to their families Here is a list of our Identity Partners:
Step 4: Work With Your Adoption Professional
Once you’ve chosen your adoption professional, it’s time to dive in. Expect to complete a detailed adoption application and create a profile introducing your family to potential birth parents. This step sets the foundation for finding the right match.
Step 5: Complete Your Home Study
The home study is a legal requirement and can feel a bit intimidating. A licensed social worker will visit your home, review your background, and make sure you’re ready to adopt. They’ll assess:
Your financial stability
Your parenting readiness
Your home environment
Prepare to answer questions about your relationships, past experiences, and family life. Think of it as an opportunity to learn and grow.
Step 6: Matching with an expectant parent
Matching with an expectant parent can take time and patience is key. Once that day comes it will be full of excitement and joy. This will be the start of your path to becoming a parent through adoption.
Keep in mind sometimes expectant parents do change their minds. Remember an ethical adoption is one that provides a child in need of a home a home that fits their needs. If a birth parent decides they want to parent that is powerful and beautiful and will mean that child does not have to be separated from their biological family. This also does not mean you will not become a parent, but that it just wasn’t your time yet. Stay encouraged and patient.
Step 7: Prepare Your Home For a Child
This is the exciting part! Get your home ready, tell your close friends and family, and stock up on essentials. Keep in mind that some families wait to host celebrations like baby showers until the adoption is finalized—just to be cautious.
Step 8: The Big Day!
This is the first day the child is in your home. For some, this could be an infant while for others it could be a teenager. No matter the type of adoption this is a big day and the first day in building a beautiful bond with your child.
Step 9: Finalize Your Adoption
Finalizing your adoption is a legal process and will take some time. Depending on your type of adoption it could involve many documents and approvals.
The finalization hearing is the last step—congratulations! A judge will grant you permanent legal custody of your child, officially making you a family.
Many families love celebrating this day and that can be a great way to always recognize the significance of this day. Keep in mind your adoptee may struggle at times with adoption so be mindful as they get older about how you celebrate this day.
-
Costs range from $2,000 for foster care adoptions to $50,000 for private and international adoptions.
-
It typically takes 1-2 years, but timelines vary depending on the type of adoption.
-
A home study is an assessment of your home, lifestyle, and readiness to adopt, conducted by a licensed social worker.
-
Open adoption allows for ongoing communication between birth and adoptive families, creating a relationship that works for everyone.
-
Yes! International adoption is an option, though it involves additional legal and logistical requirements.
Step 10: Post-Placement Adoption Support
Even after finalization, support is key. Stay connected with your adoption professional, attend family counseling if needed, and utilize resources like the ones we create at Identity. These resources and our community can be impactful in navigating the ups and downs of parenthood.
You and your child may need mental health support throughout their childhood and life. Our Identity Partner, The Center for Adoption Education and Support, provides adoption-competent therapy.
Conclusion
Adopting a baby is a beautiful and life-changing journey. By following these steps, you’ll be well-prepared to navigate the process, overcome challenges, and build the family you’ve always dreamed of.
Ready to start your journey? Connect with us at Identity to learn more about adoption and how we can support you every step of the way.
